Saturday, 1 November 2014

The Truth in Words

I don’t know why I call my mom as Ajay (Sister in my language) and when I started to call on its name? Finding for the reasons it took me years and years to understand all about my background with every explanation. If I say I was born without father and mother nobody will believe me but to call on their name I was not tamed with proper words to be called. Sometime while I take my stranger friends along with me in my house they wonder on the name I used to call for my mom and gradually they will question me, who is your mother? With the red colored face I have to answer for them, but this is not a big problem for me. In learning the language for human it depends on the surrounding we dwell. For this reason we are human, very different from animal realm. 

The truth starts from my parent’s marriage. Basically the person whom I supposed to call as dad was from extreme eastern part of the country and my mom from extreme south. It was love of course, which arranged them as a couple for no doubt. But their love wasn’t been a “love of eternal”. However their love had at least led to the marriage for uncertain period of years until my birth. After their marriage my mom went to dad house as a new bride, according to the costume of the region followed during their eve, but the house that my dad lived wasn’t his parent house, it was his uncle house, who worked as a forest guard in the National Park of my district. Sometime it is true that starting of the every love will be smooth and fair, without even a single problem in affairs. That was the only season my mom had enjoyed love with her loved. But everything does not worked as my mom hoped in first day of their meeting. Everything got changed from the time new bride changed into old one. Before everything happens in horror scene, the most sadistic part in my mom’s life was, she was been pregnant with my life inside her. So she could not bring the action of what she had thought on the plan of living or breaking the home of prison, just by one thought that I will need dad, she prolonged much. Of course I must need dad when other does have. When friends are calling on dad I too have to call but the situation become worst to live on my love for my mom. What she had thought on word change was never changed. What she had believed in love was never been love.

On the condition of couple his uncle (dad’s uncle) started to interfere and made the flame so big in the society. Despite scolding, beating started to begun as a game for my mom in their house whom she thought the home will be safety, home will be full of charity. But she wasn’t a kind of girl what other thinks generally on girl gender.  The pain from the pains, heat from the scorching heat, sweat from sweating works, she had been bearing all day and night silently like a fish in aquarium hurting her body more and more. Being pregnant wasn’t been her excuses. Was she been bodhisattva those times? No, as a son i know better than all other knows about my mother, because bodhisattvas are also made out of flash and blood which can feel the sense of pain. The reason was lack of voice from her mouth. She even didn’t inform to her parents because parents were also not in the position to help her because they were been dominion in the society. Everything happened inside the small prison.

Change is the human tendency. Though it was so late to think on her life it has been better than getting worst in two lives. After the nine months of pain I came on this world as a first trusted son. Out of her pain, out of her desire, out of her love, out of her satisfaction, after all she told me I am her soul only, made out of full love when father doesn’t need and when time was not been appropriate to come on this world. Basically I was born in my dad’s place, “The palace of prison” I called. The delivery place was very different from others, may be form your birth place. The food for the mother was as similar like for pig, in some places I think pig might be getting better than what my mom was being served. Time of the meals was according to the hunger of their belly. Though she had suffered a lot she never gave a same scene for her child. She had forecasted my future so planed to escape from the “palace of prison”.

It was dark night in the moonless season, heavy rainfall, under the loudest sound of thunder and in swollen stream season. A mid of summer she took her plan of breaking prison into action. Nobody helped her but gods were been with her I believed. In the late night when everyone was slept she took her son (me) out of the window first and then came herself. The route she had followed to reach her own house with my safety was the swollen stream. To carry me in her back she never had energy. To walk by her foot before one week only she had given birth for my life. The best alternative she had chosen was to drive with the force of running stream. Without knowing my home I left the home. Without knowing the responsible father’s love, care, name and face I left the home thinking it is the prison for my life.

If you think your marriage will fail with that particular person you had chosen to be married, please never opt for the couple lives instead go for another chance, believe time is healer and you can meet with your better choice, our thinking is full of doubt. If you think you are in safe it shows you are in danger too. We are planning to kill two birds (mother and child) with one stone in love. If it is a game plays by god for us than why it happened to me and other very few? If it is due to parent who don’t want the bride of their son “of their choice” than why they want their son to be married? If it is the love that comes to end than why we should fall in love? Everything is now going as a matter of chance, with that matter someone has to face the suffering. No matter what has gone so far our future should always make as fairy land for our grandson, for this love is the only way to it. We faced the problem of divorced and we faced the problem of naming “Bastard” but by together lets walk for the better change say for love, “we don’t need break”. Let’s make the next world with love for parent in togetherness living with their sons and daughters. Let’s make our son to be called as father for the father and mother for the mother, shun the word ‘step’ as prefix to the father and mother.

From that eve everything got changed. My dad didn’t come to meet me nor his wife. However the world without father was been the best world in pace from very young age to me. It is good not to meet with the person of our close blood also if they never bother about our own life while we are at innocent age. I must be failing in my duty if I don’t mention my journey from my home of prison to the home of heaven. It was approximately two kilometers but imagine how long will be the journey for the sick people of the 2km. Apart from that imagines like for my mom, who never had meals for three weeks properly, who gave birth before one week and taking a journey in senseless energy. It was the scene of hell to my journey.  Nevertheless what does a one week child can do?  Just crying which brings the tears to his mother. That was me. By the helped of nature we were fetched very safely to our destination.  A swollen stream did not cause any injury to us despite its load like stones, logs and other availabilities on the long winter basin. For these reason I believe mothers are the representative of god in this world. After considering all her pains I would say that now I will salute first for my mom than the god.

After reaching home of halo the chances of getting the unbearable diseases for two lives was totally eradicated by the help of her parent, that energy that has to be gained after birth was fully gained, the medicine that has to be given for the new child was also got from them. For my life credit from my father is causing me more problems, giving me less opportunity to stand on this earth with my proud face. Obliged to him not by due appreciation but with respect of hatred.

I was grown up in my mother’s house without the warmth of father, while thinking on it from now mother warmth was better. The one who carried me were the entire brothers and sisters of my mother, her parent and my first cousins, on top of all her sis-in-law, (wife of her eldest brother) was the god for us. For some years I lost who was my mother also? Every time, every second, I was taken cared by them and the name to be called as mother to my own mother was replaced by Ajay (sister) because her own brother and sisters taught me in this way. But today it is not the same of yesterday. With the catalyst of my brothers and sister I am used to with calling mother only.

Six years were ended in her house. Working for every hour despite the rays of sunlight and hitting of hailstone. On top when my age came she had never neglected what I need more in my life. When I entered six in my age I was taken to school to enroll but it never happened what my mom thought. Farmers were left as farmers only and the only children from the prolific citizens were got at that age to study. Corruption were in surface but affected in more growth. When the children of high profile got a chance to study I was left without the chance.  By this my fastness in my education was my slowness to enroll. From that day, the sense of word "change" has rooted in my mind. But my interest on education was never decayed. From my own interest on learning, I have started to learn from my mom’s brother who had a little knowledge from his Non-formal education. By the time of schooling I was known with how to scribble my National Language. When I turned seven I was blessed with two events of happiness. Firstly in the starting of year by March 8 I was selected in elite 47 and started going to school by March 10.

And the second happiness was my mom has re-married for the happiness of my life. I remembered the process she took to marry again. It was the late night asking me a permission to take another couple life. That time I was very innocent on understanding the meaning this world; however what I said was that it will be good mummy. After her marriage we went to another home of new father. Unlike earlier in a devil home, in new placement we had a good connection with the two families. Everything I observed was like my own house of my mother. Apart from all from my all words, I must say about my step father that, whatever I do be it good or worst, he haven’t scolded me even once. I got such a special father, hope it is due blessing of god after long suffering in me. Slowly the new member from his own blood started to come in a family. In total we became four siblings and two parents. Six is always best in number. And the best part from all was none of us were left without education like others used to do. For the future of our lives, our parent had given much more importance on education. No matter what will come as an obstacle we will walk as a one in brotherhood to thank our parent.

Till class ten I was in country side of the country only with conservative schooling, getting explore to the third places were always been in my dream, on top getting my father details was been in my top priority.  What I dreamt from innocent age was fulfilled when the winter news of 2010 declared about the class ten results. I was qualified to study in government school which meant I must go out of the parent reach to get education. I was excited but not lasted for a long time. It was my first time to go away from home.  Naturally my mom started to cry for my departure, what she thought was only for my care, I will be out of love. Yes I was been out of love, in the first few months washing of my own clothes were also been my first time to be washed by myself. Bathing without anyone to rub my back was been similar to not bath myself. Everything was new. While washing clothes it will be same as not wash, the grime around the neck side of the shirt will be dirt only after i washed also. Now I can do all that I missed earlier.

The wished of meeting father was also accomplished when I travelled from my home to new school. By seeing only I had understood what kind of personalities he got. But I don’t have his personalities even at my look also. I was brought up by my mom with her love, care and guidance. In all remembrance of tame I could only remember my mom. Zero advise from my dad so in turn I am afraid of giving advice to my child as a father. What kind of advise I can give to my child when myself doesn't have any tame from my dad? After going three times in his house I could understand my father’s linage from the past. But I will not agree. Be it the decedent of the Dungkar Chojee or royal family I don’t have any profit, what I must think is I am citizen of Bhutan, once gone meant forever gone from the consideration of dad title.

After I reached at high school the dream of becoming what has dreamt in innocent mind had changed. I took more than a month to decide on my subject. My parent wanted me to take science but I hated science because what my mom wanted me to become was doctor, which my mind can’t do that to see blood. Blood is like my greatest enemy. At the same time I was after all not good at physics and chemistry.  My relatives wanted me to take commerce, for the first month I had been in commerce class, but after a month I was in dilemma, what I dreamt was for Art background, so I went in art stream after understanding my whole future that I wanted to become. Because of good decision I took when I was in green I am here as one of the favour students.